Which Path To Take

I am trapped in a raging battle between two powerful forces. I grow weaker day after day as I supress the fierce foes. No matter where I go or what I do........one or the other is always there......waiting.

-Lancehead

New Born Day

I am very relieved, all of my auditions are over until next year. I felt like my audition for Pride and Prejudice went well....which is the first time I felt somewhat good afterwards, so that can't be a positive sign. Nick did a wonderful job as well, nice job Bro.

I'm very happy today, I don't know what's going on.........I'm......I'm actually smiling. I feel warm hearted today rather than the usual coldness I am engulfed in.

I have the most incredible friends, they make everyday worth getting up for.

Congratulations to everyone who made spotlight! You're all awesome!

-Lancehead

X-3 Phasing is the coolest says I

I'll be honest, the movie left me with mixed emotions. They took everything from various comics and story plots that had no relationship whatsoever and managed to fuse them into one movie. The movie was pretty cool and there were times when I was on the edge of my seat. Then of course I realized how much of a nerd I am when I was jumping up and down with a huge grin on my face after watching the extra ending, and the fact that I was all like "Phasing is the F!@#% coolest power ever!"

I don't know why I always purchase sour patch kids at the theatre. After eating the sour candy my tongue is in horrible pain everytime and if I try to eat anything else....well it just doesn't work out ;)

Tomorrow I am auditioning for Pride and Prejudice thanks to M (one of the most amazing talented people in the universe) who managed to get my an audition time and packet. I have no idea how I will do cosidering I have no idea what the play is about or who is who. I'll probably break down while waitng for my audition because that is what always happens to me before every audtion. I'm excited though, I will be perforiming in another play with my crazy awesome friends, so it really couldn't be better.

-Lancehead

Fact

Lady Li and her family are the coolest people ever!

-Lancehead

Here's A Thought

What would you do if one day you woke up and you were six years old again, and everything you thought to be real never actually took place? Would you be upset that the people you know were all in your mind? Would you want to go back to the dream or live a new life? Could you truly live a new life after all you have been through? Would you really want to return to the dream knowing it is a lie or face a new unpredictable future?

-Lancehead

That's Right

Yeah so I am going to make another blog, a blog that no matter how hard you try no one will ever find. That way nice things can go into this one, and the rest of me can be released somewhere else. So, I laugh at you.

Just Kidding, made you think I would make one didn't I.

-Lancehead

Odd Mix

So Nick, Spencer, and Jake slept over at my house yesterday. I was surprised how we all fell asleep, I guess Star Fox really does take it out of you. Nick and I went for our ritual morning walk, which was rather refreshing and this time we were accompanied by Jake and Spencer. They however did not enjoy the two hour walk as mush as my bro and I. I really have to meet this Dan D. kid whom Spencer and Jake constantly mention, he sounds interesting and I am not quite sure what to expect when I encounter him.

There is something amazing about taking a walk early in the morning when it is still dark out and you eventually witness the sunrise, the birth of a new day. It is a beautiful sight and the air is fresh and crisp. The sunlight flows through the rolling lands as the darkness takes its rest.

-Lancehead

Beautiful Day

It certainly is a beautiful day out, clouds here and there, calm breeze, birds chirping, plants swaying, and just the right amount of sunlight.

I did it again today, I pushed those who care about me away. I don't understand why I do it, I try not to. Too bad my troubles can't be carried away with the breeze.

Earlier today there was a moment where I felt very warm inside, so incredibly happy, it was the most amazing feeling and I felt at peace with myself ......then the happiness quickly faded into nothing.

I want to thank my friends for always being there for me and putting up with me when I have an off day.....I also apologize if I ever gave you one of my stares on one of my off days. I'm sorry for always pushing you guys away and thankyou for never giving up on me. You guys have no idea how much it means to me to have all of you as my friends, it makes me one of the most lucky people on earth.

I think this blog is going to be filled with nothing except negativity which is rather depressing and what I was trying to prevent, but mark my words there will be that one day where I will have that positve entry and I too like Kelsey will master the circly thingy at Liana's park!!!!

What can I do....

I don't know what to do, I am surrouded by people who are troubled and I don't know how to help them. I try hard to be a good friend, I wish I was able to provide helpful advise but I can't, instead I listen to what my friends have to say. I know listening sounds like it does squat.....but it seems to help people, it allows them to not have to hold everything inside, and I keep the information to myself, I never tell anyone no matter who they are. I just think there is more I could do to help instead of watching a friend walk down the hall with a grim face.

Of course I never tell anyone about about my inner thoughts, I usually don't answer to the question " How are you?" if I do answer my response is usually a lie. I don't feel like there is anyone I can trust, I lost my ability to trust a few years ago because the one person I did trust...... well it doesn't matter. During school the real reason why I don't respond to people who say "hi" to me in the hall is because I am in deep thought, I may be thinking about a one person or many, thinking about how I can help with there situation. I keep all of my inner thoughts and conflicts to myself, which I will admit can be extremely difficult at times. I have my ups and I have my downs. Everyday seems to become more arduous.

-Lancehead

Wisdom Teeth

Well, I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday. I'll tell you something though, I have it good. I woke up after the surgery and I was able to walk to the car by myself and I was aware of where I was, what I was doing, and what I was saying.

I've been prescribed with pain killers which are supposed to cause drowsiness and dizziness, but I have yet to be affected. I was also given medication which prevents swelling, so I don't have giant chipmunk cheeks.

The next morning I was out of bed and walking around, even though you are supposed to stay in bed to recover...... I don't do things that way. For breakfast I had scrambled eggs, lime jello, cottage cheese, peaches, oatmeal, and lemonade. It was a freakin' sweet breakfast.

You are not supposed to eat hard foods, only nasty smashed soft foods. I refused, I had an incredible hankering for pizza all day, and what does my dad bring home, he brought home a nice big, hot, cheesy pizza. I of course am not supposed to eat anything hard for at least a week, but 15 hours was enough of a wait for me. I had five pieces pizza, it was good. All I had to do was eat the pizza with my front teeth mmmmmm.

I am in very little pain and I have pretty much been doing everything I am not supposed to after wisdom teeth are pulled. I am however bored out of my mind with nothing to do.

-Lancehead

Inner Thought

Well I promised myself I would never create a blog......so much for that. I suppose I decided to create one because I need to express my feelings, not hold them inside.

I have the tendency of lying to people about how I truly feel, my thoughts, and dreams. Basically I don't want people to know about me, I'm afraid they may try to hurt me somehow, why they would I don't know, but it was happened to me many times. Those who I have trusted in my past and present have betrayed, hurt, and lied to me.

It is extremely difficult to explain how I came to be and no one has ever learned the truth, bits and pieces yes, but not the whole. I feel lost and I want to discover my place, but no matter how hard I try I never succeed. I try to stay strong and keep a positive attitude wherever I am, but it is tiring.

I have many moments where I feel alone and there is no one there for me. I push those who try to help me away and I am not sure why. I suppose it's because I don't want to add any more drama or pain upon their shoulders, it would be selfish if I did. The year after I moved and started going to my new school, I have met wonderful people, I have friends who I believe would help me and stay by my side through thick and thin, but I just feel so incredibly alone and time and time again I become the lone wolf.

-Lancehead