What Needs To Be Known

Isn't it humorous how often we tend to lie to ourselves. We may say we are different, more mature, a better person, but are we really? How do we know if we have really changed, you should know because you know yourself better than anyone. What if there are times where you want to change so badly that you trick yourself that you have, but in reality nothing is different and you are just the same.

If you do try to change yourself, is it for you or for others? The answer to this has to be one or the other, not both. Have you been hurting those around you or have you really been hurting yourself? Why have you been hurting yourself, others, or both?

You're not a bad person for being who you naturally are, how can you possibly change who you naturally are. There are times where you just want to be silly, fun, serious, determined, sad, scared, depressed, friendly, alone, funny, angry, lost. Just because others aren't happy with you doesn't mean you should start feeling like a terrible person and change who you are. You shouldn't be punished or have people be angry at you if you are just not in the mood.

Many of us never mean to harm another and many of us unfortunately do. It is difficult to see the difference between the guilty and the innocent as we all know. Never jump to conclusions.

We have so much difficulty excepting that we are not perfect, you may not think we do, but we do. I believe we try to change others because we want them to be more like who we are which makes us feel like we are closer to being perfect. What gives anyone the right to try and change someone else? Why let others change who you are? Why do we always have to see the faults in others? Why do we let the faults blind us from the good?

I know people are unhappy with me, hate me even for not doing what they want or wanted me to do. But I am my own person and I am not going to change myself just because a few people are dissapointed in me. If I didn't want to go somewhere it's probably because I was stressed, tired, sick, and just needed to collect myself. There are times when I just need some space from others, and I know I am not the only one who feels like that at times.

What's awful is how people don't respect your decision, and instead have to make you feel horrible because you will not do what makes them happy. Sometimes we don't even realize that we are not listening to what others have to say, why they feel the way they do, and it's because we are too busy thinking about ourselves and what we want. Not all of us can just drop previous plans, ignore how we are feeling, or should just have to do everything you want because it will prevent you from being angry at them.

And if you are one of those people who are constantly putting those you are angry at down and making them feel like dirt because they won't do what you want doesn't mean they are going to change for you, they shouldn't change because if you are acting that way it's because you are a selfish little bitch.

Why is it that no matter what we do, there is always at least one person who ends up hurt? And why should you have to suffer every time?

Just don't let people change who you are in order to make themselves and others happy. Change because you want to not because everyone else does, and don't lie to yourself.

And if you are one of those people who are constantly putting those you are angry at down and making them feel like dirt because they won't do what you want doesn't mean they are going to change for you. They shouldn't change because if you are acting that way it's becuase you are a selfish little bitch.

And because I have written this post, I know I am going straight to HELL.

I feel awful now, but I had to get this out because we have all been guilty one time or another.

What I Have Learned In A Week

I have learned a great deal over the week. I have learned life lessons. I have learned more about the people I am around. I have learned more about myself.

It seems like where ever I go and what ever I do there is always drama. Does it anger me that there is drama, no. I have discovered that I learn more about who I am and I become closer with friends from whatever new or old situation is taking place. There will always be something and I accept that. It's what makes life interesting and it's what makes you learn who you're true friends are.

Now I know we all make mistakes and you know what, that is perfectly okay. No one and I mean absolutely no one is perfect. It's good to make mistakes because we learn from them, our mistakes help us to grow, our mistakes strengthen us no matter how hurtful the situation. Don't let your errors shut you off from those you know and love because that is not fair to you or them.

It may be difficult to except that not every problem or mistake can be mended, but that is the truth and that is how we learn some of our greatest life lessons.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on" -Robert Frost

We certainly do tend to forget that life goes on, we just need to simply remind ourselves that it does. Never let one mistake hold you down, no matter how painful it may be.

I know it may sound stupid to never let a mistake hold you down. Truly though, no matter what you do, there were always be a ray of hope.

Never give up in yourself or in others. Remember that no matter what you do, there will always be someone there for you. Even when you feel the whole world has turned against you and everything seems dark, just remember there will always be at least one person who will stand by your side and fight with you no matter what.

True friendship is when you can trust another. Know that the other will always listen to what you have to say. Never hate one another. Helping each other when in need. Pull each other up after a fall. Be able to laugh at one another. Be able to have a serious conversation with a little smile here or there. Knowing you have each other's back. Count on the other to be there for you. Stand togeather when all hope seems lost. When togeather, you're invincible.

What The Heck

I can't write down how I feel at the moment, there are no words that could possibly describe how I am feeling. It is not a good feeling and I don't know why it is happening, I wish it would go away. It's just growing to a gargantuan size, I think there is only one person I can tell. I'm disgusted with what is building within me.

Sorry About The Other Day

Okay, I am much better today. I think yesterday I was just a little ticked off with a certain person, angry never.

I really don't know what I want to major in when I go to college. I am torn between two like really really torn. I don't know whether I should major in Zoology or Theatre, I enjoy them both so much. I would love to be able to study animals in their natural habitats, travel, study their biology.

At the same time I want to act, teach theatre, learn to strengthen my skills, entertain. I don't know what to choose, I try to imagine which one I would be more happy with, but I would be equally happy with both. There may be more opportuinites with one or the other, but that's a chance I would be willing to take. You need to take chances in your life, otherwise you won't get very far. Hopefully I'll be able to figure this out soon.

Shwing!

So Nick my brother, how many times do you think we have almost killed each other while hanging out? ;) and if we were hanging out with any other person instead of you or me they would most likely be dead or in extreme pain right?

-Bro

The Black Bird And The Robin

Yesterday morning I heard the sounds of screeching birds while I was sitting at the computer, a few seconds later my little brother called me over to the dining room window. What was outside the window, a beautiful robin on its side under a bush and a black bird attacking it. I swung the front door open and scared the black bird away. I then knelt by the robin and told my brother to get a towel. As I waited for my brother I examined the bird and noticed the blood beneath the head. The robin had a large bloody gash on the back of it's head. Next thing I knew I was sitting in the living room holding a wounded robin in a towel and cleaning it's injury. The wound was large and deep, but I managed to stop the bleeding.

The bird is now resting on a towel in a box next to my bedroom window where it can feel the breeze and witness the sunshine. I wasn't sure if the bird would survive through the night, but it did. The robin is a fighter.

I know it may not have been right to bring a wild animal into our home, but I couldn't let it lay there. I couldn't leave the window and return to what I was doing. I couldn't let the bird stay under the bush with little protection from the burning sun or let ants crawl through it's feathers. Now I am not sure if the bird will live, the wound is awful, but I'm trying my best. I hope I am helping the bird and not increasing the pain. If the robin does die I hope I have helped reduce the pain and let it die in comfort rather than dyeing on sharp woodchips and covered with insects.

Nature is wondrous. I tend to forget about the life outside of the walls we are so frequently imprisoned in. What would make the black bird and the robin fight? Were they fighting for territory? Food? Did the black bird strike first or the robin? Is one guilty and the other innocent or are they both to blame? Maybe they were fighting for a stupid reason, as many humans so regularly do. I wonder...was I supposed to come across the robin? Am I saving the bird from my actions or hurting it. What I did, was it right or wrong? I may never know the answers.

I now find myself looking out the window, watching robins. I wonder what will happen to them. I wonder what they have experienced in their lives. How old are they? Where have they flown? How do they survive? No human could ever answer for they are only Homo sapiens, only the individual bird could truly answer.

If we just took the time to listen, to hear the chirps and songs of the feathered souls, could our questions be answered? Could the questions we have about life be answered? Or our we just so conceited that we believe nature is below us.

Take the time to listen.

Come On

Look outside, go look, right now. What do you see? I see a brand spankin' new day, a beautiful day. A day of new experiences, opportunities, fun, and friends. Don't sit around and just watch, get up and go do something.

If I Am In Your Thoughts Just Throw Me Out

If you are one of those people who are worried about me, please don't. I am the last person anyone needs to worry about. Okay? :)

As The World Revolves....

I feel as if my inner soul is being torn apart. Everything around me feels unstable, but if I look out the window all there is is a gentle breeze, a clear sky, and birds chirping.

Why is it that when life seems so clear and favorable it turns its back on you and makes you feel so incredibly insignificant? Is it a burden to always think of others before yourself no matter what you do? Is it wrong and selfish to put yourself before others? Life is a difficult journey as we all know, but is it ever possible to escape its wrath, dodge one of its many might blows, to take a seperate road untouched by life? I have yet been able to come across an answer. Why do we let ourselves fall into the power of life, to let life make us feel horrible if we don't please someone we love or to not be able to tell someone the truth? We let life hold us back, it restrains us with a heavy monstrous chain which seems impossible to break free of.

Do we control our own destiny or do we let others control it? Is it right for parents to choose what is right and wrong for us, or should we be able to discover what is right and wrong for ourselves? We must always remember we are not the center of the universe. We tend to forget the troubles those around us have, the troubles they must live with day after day. Why is it that when we are stressed and angry we take our anger out on others either phiscally or mentally, and why is it that we feel better after we hurt another? Everyone has reasons for their actions, perhaps it is to help themselves or to help another, mabey the reason was to assure ones self that they will be okay, or by hurting another you're actually saving them.

I feel there is no such thing as perfect but then again there could be, how do we know what is perfect and what is not, is there anything to compare it to? Can the forces of life be fought or must we learn to just accept it, and if we do accept it does that make us weak? Should we let life pull us by the chains it binded us with everytime we try to spread our wings and fly? Should we continue to fight back with all the strength we can muster for what could be an endless battle?

Answers are never for anyone else to decide. Only you can answer your questions,only you can hold yourself back, only you can break the chains and let yourself soar to the horizon of freedom.

You are the only one who can put an end to your troubles, your friends however, can help you along the way.

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." -Anais Nin

-Lancehead

......Right

So, my parents said I have to get a summer job. The problem is that I don't actually have very much time to work over the summer, yet I will still apply for one even if it means working extremely late into the night or in the early morning. I don't know where I should apply, if anyone has any suggestions please tell me.

Today was the last day of school. Spencer, Nick, and I did our little trio thing after the final bell rang. In Limelight we acted out our own version of The Three Blind Mice.

The worst part of the day was when I found out Kevin won't be able to do Limelight. When Kevin told me the dreadful news I felt like someone punched me hard in the stomach.

I start marching band on Friday. I am very excited to play the cymbals with my "Wonder Twin" Erin.

I am now a Senior which sucks _____! (word of your choice).

-Lancehead

My Body Is Alive With The Sound Of Allergies

I thought I was sick, but it turns out my allergies have decided to be naughty this year. This is the first time I actually had to take some medication.

By The Way

Spencer, I'm sorry for inviting Jake over to your house without your permission, but it had to be done.

Nick, my wound finally stopped bleeding. Sorry about the kick. Shwing brother, SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWING!

Kipper, I'm sorry for what happened the other day, it's just not a good idea to go under a trampoline when I'm jumping on it.

Liana, please remind your brother about the air hockey rematch.

Kelsey, we need to have that muppet movie day real soon.

Emily S., the new animal is muntjac.

Tori, you crazy cryptic.

Dan D., DANDRUFF.

Kevin, "We use numbers everyday." Let's make a show about numbers......oh wait there already is one....too bad.

Kim, I would like to inform you that you're awesome.

-Lancehead