Mind Release

2007-03-24T15:06:00.000-05:00

Thought

It sucks when you care so much about certain people and their well-being that it physically hurts you.

2007-03-03T00:36:00.000-06:00

Fact

Choosing can be a most unpleasant experience.

2007-01-30T20:40:00.000-06:00

Car + Carl + Ice = Fun

As I was driving to school this evening, I lost control of the car and ran into a ditch on the side of the rode and barely missing a street sign, I managed to fly out of the ditch finding myself spinning out and finally facing the opposite direction from where I came. Was it a fun experience, oh yes it was, do I want it to happen again, no, no I don't.

2007-01-29T20:01:00.000-06:00

Oh Yeah!

Ya'll ready for this, yell with me! ....ready? Alright here we go! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!WHOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHH!YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ....yeah, that's the way to do it, nice job everyone.

2007-01-22T18:45:00.000-06:00

If Only

I wish I could see the future, I need so much cleared up right now. There are so many things I need to do, I want to be able to see the ending result. I have a dark heart, I don't mean to cause so much pain to others, and at the same time there are times that I do. I don't know what's going on anymore, at least not with me. Every time I think I have things figured, I realize I don't, or something happens to prove I'm wrong. I need to know what to do.

2006-11-07T20:05:00.000-06:00

Break Time

I'm going to take a break from blogging for awhile. I'm not sure when I'll post or if I will ever again, but as you all know you can talk to me at school or call me on my cell phone.

2006-10-30T18:01:00.000-06:00

Clouds Are Just As Beautiful As Stars

Resting on the ground and staring into the deep cloudy sky with a chilly breeze blowing towards my side was such a great feeling this evening. The moon would disappear and reappear here and there whenever clouds passed, and it was very calming. I wish it could have lasted longer than the 30 min waiting to be picked up. It was soothing and down right beautiful.

2006-10-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

Anyways

Alright, I'm better. I've got my brother and always will.

Good news I've been accepted to Northern Illinois University, so that's taken some stress off, I now at least have a school to go to now.

I enjoyed the football game immensely. Though we lost, I still had a very good time. Slamming of the cymbals, playing with ohs, bein' with my friends, having Renee as my cymbal buddy, and fireworks which was sweet.

I would also like to thank Mrs. Hafenrichter and Liana for the food.

Marching band is over which is extremely sad, I may have only been in it for one year, but it was very fun, and I'm glad I took part.

2006-10-18T21:12:00.000-05:00

.......

Alright, some advice. Don't any of you dare spread rumors, EVER! Never assume anything because of what you hear from others. You want to get a full story then the person will tell you the full story if they feel the need to do so. Never put pressure on anyone to tell you the full story. And yelling does not necessarily mean you will be heard.

Now that I think about it, this is directed at one person.

2006-10-15T19:11:00.000-05:00

Emo Cow

I'll be honest everytime I hear someone say "emo," I think of an emo cow, but this cow does not "moo." Instead this cow makes the sound of "emoooooooooo!" Now don't ask me why I thought of "emo cow," I just did. "emo cow" is the kind of stuff I come up with when I'm bored at school and my mind begins to wander.

This is Emo Cow.

2006-10-14T17:07:00.000-05:00

This Disturbs Me

Fast Food Rockers

........so, I've concluded this video was created to brainwash children into purchasing fast food.....and to make people's heads explode.

2006-10-10T19:38:00.000-05:00

Self-Reminder

Today's fact for myself is today sucked, life decided to add some more weight on the shoulders.

All I hope is that everyone had a much better day than I did.

2006-10-07T08:16:00.000-05:00

An Inner Bloom

Clouds have the ability to bring both shadows and rain. The sun can pierce through the most powerful of fogs to shed light upon our faces. With this light we feel the warmth and grow. We grow in both body, mind, and spirit. Though we may not be the same in ideas or appearence, we are each beautiful in our own way. With this beauty a garden is born, and with this garden blooms a love in which no fire can destroy.

2006-10-02T20:48:00.000-05:00

Truth

There are some things that are, which should not be.

2006-10-02T06:39:00.000-05:00

.....Yeah

Apparently everyone believes this is going to be a long difficult week. I'll be honest I am not looking forward to such a week. It would be nice to get some sleep, but highly doubtful. Like Nick, I unfortuanately came across the movie "Grease" yesterday,and I spent a good couple of hours getting songs out of my head because I cannnot stand them, and I finally did get them out...........until I read Nick's blog, now there back, BLAST! If "Grease" was a person I would run him/her down with a car. I just flipped through and said "shoot!" because I watched the few seconds of the movie when I flipped through and the songs rushed in.

2006-10-01T08:49:00.000-05:00

Coatcheck

Coatcheck went very well, in the beginning it was hectic and I actually broke a sweat running back and forth for an hour and a half, but you know. Thank goodness for Mr. Green or else things would have gone down hill. The end of the dance was great when it came to checking things out, most likely because everyone who checked things in made it pretty difficult for us earlier on, so as a result they felt bad and were patient when it came to having their belongings returned. Thankyou to Emily S., Zack H., Heather, and whoever else helped.

Mr. Fruits let me actually to the dance once coatcheck cooled down, it was pretty good out there. Josh G. and I started a dance off, two actually. The first did not work so well because we were suddenly ambushed my dancers. However, the second time we succeeded, we had great results. Later on I was in the air with Josh G. and Brendan holding me up which was a riot, but of course the flash lights found their way to me.

Thankyou Danielle for letting us invade your house two days in a row.

2006-09-26T19:27:00.000-05:00

Chainmail

I would very much appreciate it if you guys would stop sending me those horrible chain letter e-mails, they're all the same, and are downright annoying. I know some of the e-mails consist of "you are a good friend" or "where would i be without you" or a sad made up story, but when you are sending them to your friends just so your "wish" will be granted at midnight or your true love will call at a certain time, that is just rather selfish. The only reason your sending an e-mail to me is so you will get what you want, so the e-mails you send me mean nothing, and I don't appreciate it because I know you care more about yourself than others, which is extrodinarily sad. I can deal with no one caring, but think of the others you may be hurting.

2006-09-22T22:46:00.000-05:00

Always Know

I wish I could just give happiness to all, let them have what they have always dreamed of. Something more than a gift or a hug. I want to help, but some things can never be achieved no matter how hard I try. It's the same for all of us, we have a least one something rather that holds us back, preventing us from reaching a true smile. I just don't want anyone to ever give up. We must all learn to stay strong, to not break, but continue to build. Hope seems lost, but deep down we know it's there. Hope does not always fall into our laps, there are times we need to climb to the summit to obtain such a feeling.

I will always be there to help, to fight, to stand strong, to catch you when you fall. Though there may be days where I am distant and bitter, but it does not mean I don't care. I would still come to your aid no matter what. You are my friends and if harm ever comes your way, then I will stand in the way and take the bullet.

2006-09-19T18:51:00.000-05:00

Emo Carl = Cold Bitter Jerk

Well, I feel better now. I aplogize for posting what I wrote, but I'm not sorry for writing it. It's how I was feeling. However, what I did not mention in the post (which I did not realize until now) was that I am also disgusted with myself, frustrated with myself, annoyed. I was selfish, but I feel like what most of tend to forget is how lucky we are. We all have our problems, ALL OF US. Now, we may not think so, but we all tend to over-dramatize things, not all the time, but often. You don't have to agree with me, but we do. Sometimes it's just difficult to smile and say "hi" everyday. I do love all of you, each one of you has a place in my heart. However, some of the things you guys decide to do are what give me my white hairs, and yet that just makes me love you guys even more.

I want to thank all of you who did not give up on me and showed me how much you care. I'm sorry for being bitter and cold. I know I am distant, but that's the way I am, it's hard for me to express myself. Thankyou for just asking how I was or giving me a hug, it helped a great deal.

2006-09-17T18:46:00.000-05:00

Heads Up

Don't be alarmed if I snap at you if you try to talk to me. I hate people at the moment. I'm a bit disgusted with everyone and myself. It's not necessarily hate I guess, but more like a great annoyance and just overall disgust.

2006-09-14T19:58:00.000-05:00

Biscuit Has Talent

Aercires Fuzzy Bunny Challenge

Biscuit, I can't get over how wonderful you are.

2006-09-13T18:13:00.000-05:00

A Single Leaf

I suppose I need to just take time to remember to breath. Take life day by day as it is. Do what I can. It is a pain and it is hard, but that is how it is. There is so much more, but no. I'm not sure why rain drops soothe my soul...eh I don't know. I want to be away, far away where I can learn more. I want to witness true greatness, and no longer be trapped, tangled in chains. I wish I could understand truth, I wish there was more. Time will eventually tell me when, and I will be ready to go. I hope to finally come across........whatever it may be.

2006-09-09T19:09:00.000-05:00

Tired baby cat

This cheered me up after a tough day.

2006-09-02T23:30:00.000-05:00

Seal Of Haze

To close your eyes and be alone. Where harm may no longer enter and dreams flouish as wild flowers. Day breaks while night ends. Darkness is no different from light as death is to life. If wings were present blessing the gift to fly, which breeze would we allow to carry us? Would the sun ever be too torrid? Should a heart ever shatter if fallen upon the ground? Whispers graze the ear as pictures are no longer seen, lost has finally been found. Warmth and cold have merged as one. Sleep grows ever deep. Clouds take their form to cast beauty among the mist of trees, allowing pain to no longer reside in the eyes of the sea.

2006-09-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

I Miss You Pluto

Poor Pluto

You'll always be a planet to me.

2006-08-26T22:13:00.000-05:00

A Map Without A Trail

Today I went to my Grandparents surprise anniversary party. I admire my grandmother the most of anyone I have ever met. The nonsense I complain about is nothing compared to what my Grandma went through. I've learned from her that even when life stabs you in the back and leaves you in the dark, you can heal....you can find the lost light.

I know after I graduate the real life is going to punch me smack in the middle of my face. I'm no longer going to have the school walls shielding me from the outside world. A huge step must be taken, and I will have to become a wall which cannot be broken.

I'm going to make a promise to myself, I promise is to not lose who I am. No matter what I will not become someone else. We are individually special, we each have something no other person will ever have, it may not be what you think it is, and no person my ever know what makes them so unique (unique New York, unique New York....), but honestly I think not knowing is for the best.

Sorry to bore you.

2006-08-26T14:42:00.000-05:00

I Love You Biscuit

Biscuit Rants

Whoopdi-fricken'-doo!

2006-08-25T00:50:00.000-05:00

Biscuit

My First VideoBlog

Biscuit is my kind o' dog.

2006-08-20T20:40:00.000-05:00

How Will It End?

I hate the question "Where do you see youself ten years from now?" Honestly, how would I possibly know where I will be. I have no idea what I'll be doing, where I'll be living, who I will be hanging out with, or even if I will still be alive. Instead of guessing where I will be, I would much rather just live my life and never hear the ridiculous question ever again. Sometimes it's better not to plan. It's one thing to plan for what school supplies you will need for the next year, but to plan your life, I happen to find that to be rather absurd. How about some of the responses that are given much to often such as "I'll have a big house, two dogs, a cat, three kids, a loving wife/husband, big yard, good school district, successful job, friendly neighbors, wide screen t.v., and the two brand new cars. Whenever I hear such a response I just roll my eyes. I 'm not trying to be negative, but how could you possibly plan your life?

I suppose I would like to have some surprises in my life, live differently from the perfect life, not plan what I'm going to do, but instead make a choice here and there and see what happens. Then again there are times where it is impossible not to plan....is it possible not to plan?

Don't you hate when you have to make a decision, and you finally managed to narrow whatever it was you had to choose from down to two. You finally have the two, one or the other, but whichever one you select, you will never be able to have the other. Whichever one you decide on will make you happy, but because you did not take the other you are now filled with regret, mabey you decided to hold back, mabey you decided not to take the chance, you'll just have to live the rest of your life in wonder, never to discover the truth.

2006-08-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

Is...Is That A CYMBAL!?

The History of the Cymbal

If I only had a pair of my own.

2006-08-14T17:10:00.000-05:00

If It's Broke Fix It

My refrigerator has been broken for the past two day, but now it's fixed which is good. If the inside of a refrigerator is warmer than the temperature of the house then there is a problem hehe....okay.

I have been extremely stressed out today, the kind of stress that builds inside of your chest and you just wish you could smash things and tear a room apart. Well, I didn't smash anything, I just took a few deep breaths, but I probably have a few more white hairs. I felt like gravity was pushing on me in all directions, gravity created form all the tasks I need to accomplish.

I hope everyone is having a good day, I have marching band later so I'll be getting some fresh air (polluted air). If you hear a crash don't be alarmed because it's the sound of me smashing cymbals together ;D

2006-08-09T23:53:00.000-05:00

Passing Through

It's a dark, foggy, silent night, at least where I am, at least at my house it is. Driving home with ground fog and a pitch black rode is creepy, but at the same time muy divertido. I saw "Clerks 2" tonight, it was pretty funny, particularly the entire donkey and dance scenes. This week I've learned how much I enjoy playing at parks and shooting nerf guns with my bro. Rolling down hills is a riot. Everyday I am pretty tired, I'm not sure why because I really have no reason to be. I hate when you are so sure about something and then the next thing you know you are just confused and lost. Friends are good, I recommend them. Friends make you feel bettter.

*Pj, you left Inside Man at my house. *Emily S., you left your purse in my car.

2006-08-05T11:33:00.000-05:00

Episode One: The Weird Al

Star Wars-The Saga Begins

Don't waste your time with the movie when you can just watch this.

2006-08-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

Always Look At The Bright Side Of Your Life

I'm tremendously happy at the moment because of all of you! You all make me very happy even if I don't show it. I'm not sure where I'll be going in life, but if I have you guys then I am pretty much set.

I'm the one with the cymbals.

2006-08-03T10:58:00.000-05:00

Rain Is In The Air

It's a nice light rain oustside isn't it? A tree in my backyard was struck by lightning. A large upper portion of the tree is now resting on the ground. Branches are bent and the trunk is split. The wood is now a lighter brown and the leaves have lost some green. Flowers have been crushed and nests now lie upon the grass.

Now, there is a light rain, a gentle rain, a rain that can do nothing else but give strength to the plants. Birds return to the tree to feed on seeds and rebuild lost homes, squirrels continue to climb, and the bugs remain a nuisance. The clouds will part and the sun will shine again.

With life comes pain, and for every cloud of pain there is a drop of hope.

2006-08-02T21:18:00.000-05:00

I Heard The Crash!

I discovered that it's rather thrilling driving on dark country roads surrounded by lightning, it's AWESOME! Lightning bolts and thunder everywhere. If I had a convertible, I would have had the top down because it wasn't raining and I could have just enjoyed nature's percussion while on the road.

Now thanks to Mr. Leeb, I have a very important crash in the Superman song, and anyone who was there could tell you that I was very excited.

2006-08-02T10:16:00.000-05:00

Listenin' For That Crash

You know what's ridiculous? Me in Marching Band ;)

Anyways the suns out, the breeze is blowin', and thankfully it's only 80 somethin' degrees...for now at least. Enjoy your day!

-Mr. Night

2006-07-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

That's What The Warm Feeling Inside Is

Friends, if it were not for my friends I don't know where I would be. They are all amazing. When I can just hang out in the backyard looking for shooting stars, not sleeping, suffer through a terrible movie, drive around, fight with pool sticks, plan a trip to Costa Rica and I'm with my friends theres nothing more I would want, especially if they can deal with your obsession of the color green.

Senior year will be a great year, but extrodinarily difficult at the same time.

2006-07-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

Sweet Verde

I remember what is was I forgot, Green.

I had no idea there were green backgrounds.

2006-07-28T21:45:00.000-05:00

Alrighty Then

Ummmmm........CRAP!

2006-07-26T17:16:00.000-05:00

As It Comes

"Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen, even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind" -Leonardo Da Vinci

2006-07-24T22:12:00.000-05:00

Never Be Clipped

"No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings." -William Blake

2006-07-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

Meanwhile In Lancehead's Mind...

The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist

.....or not.

2006-07-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

Everybody Yell!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2006-07-17T16:00:00.000-05:00

It's Not Just My Fault

Sometimes you feel like nothing, sometimes you'll never get out of bed, sometimes you won't eat, sometimes you'll have a friend, sometimes you'll hide from sunlight, sometimes you are invincible, and sometimes you are so alone that it seems unbearable, and then there is the lingering pain where it grows day after day until it is too late and the clock unleashes it's final chime.

I'll never understand.

2006-07-16T23:17:00.000-05:00

Day 2

It's the end of my second day of vacation. It's okay, nothing really truly exciting. Tomorrow I'm going water tubing which I absolutely love. I love the speed, wind in my face, waves, and the painful crash at the end. There is no service for any of our cell phones, however we do have internet connection, I happen to find that to be a little funny. Today we went to the all you can eat king crab brunch.....I don't want to talk about it. While I have been here I have discovered my addiction to peach pies and all flavors of gold fish, I can't seem to get enough.

I am going to try and sneak away from my family and find a nice spot where I can be alone and have time to think. Wouldn't it be grand to be able to ride away with the wind, just follow the breeze? Well for me it wouldn't because I would be trying to escape from my problems. We need to learn to face our problems, not run away. I hate when I do try to face my problems, but the result leads to only more trouble.

2006-07-15T06:41:00.000-05:00

Leaving Today

While I'm on vacation could you all please send me e-mails and update me about your lives and going on's. I won't be able to enjoy my vacation without hearing from you guys.......really.......I won't. Now if I don't respond to any of the e-mails it's because I have no internet connection, but don't let that stop you from sending them in ;)

2006-07-14T11:05:00.000-05:00

Fool

I feel like I have been stabbed in the back and ripped apart.

2006-07-12T19:23:00.000-05:00

Stapled To My Forehead

I'm not looking to forward for vacation because I am going to be extremely stressed. I don't need a vacation with my family, I need a vacation away from my family.

I have so many thoughts running through my head. I can't decide what to type. I know I want to type something but at the same time I don't. I have written so many thoughts on this post, but I deleted them all.

All I can say is........I just don't know, I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm just confused..........unfortunately that would mean I'm confused about everything. I really don't think is confusion though, it's something else. I suppose it's kind of like I'm standing, but I'm not standing on solid ground, or I feel the wind blowing towards me, but it's actually blowing in the opposite direction. Instead of raining towards the earth it is raining aways.........which would certainly be inconvenient.......hmmm downpour.

Favorite weather: Dark/gloomy, cloudy, light or heavy rain, lightening or thunder depending on my mood, and a cold breeze that chills the spine.

Reality and Imagination.

Lame.

I enjoy the questions:

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" so have a "S" in it?
How is it possible to have a Civil War?
What do you do when you see and endangered animal eating and endangered plant?
Don't answer them.

A question I despise:

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because the taste funny?
Answer: That is a stupid STUPID question, that shouldn't even be used as a joke, it's down right awful........disgusting is what it is.

On/Off

Dang musical with music I can all too well relate with.

Humerus, radius, ulna.....don't ask why.

Is it possible to trust.......

I'm not lost...........I'm just stuck with an unlabeled map which also contains no identifiable markings....I guess.

So much more could have been done, could be done, can be done, will be done, and sadly may never be done.

Am I hopeless? Yes, I think so.

2006-07-10T00:04:00.000-05:00

Wizard Of Oz Israeli Style

Wizard Of Oz Rap

The pug makes me smile.

2006-07-05T23:29:00.000-05:00

Wait A Second

Belle

I...........um......I don't know.

2006-07-05T11:42:00.000-05:00

A Spark Of Light

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." - Dale Carnegie

"Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do." -Pope John XXIII

"When the world says, "Give up," hope whispers, "Try it one more time." -Author unknown

"Anyone who thinks the sky is the limit, has limited imagination." -Author unknown

"While there's life, there's hope." -Roman saying

"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart." -Robert Green Ingersoll

2006-07-05T10:06:00.000-05:00

Dschinghis Khan Disco Fever

Moskau

I would like to thank my older brother Mike for introducing me to this video.

2006-07-04T23:29:00.000-05:00

Dark Room At 11:29

There are times where I wish I could see into the future. Know if things will be okay, what will happen to those I know, and what will happen to me.

What would happen if I just decided to leave the house right now and walk, walk in one direction, where would I end up? I always wonder to myself....can true happiness be found? Have I already encountered it?

I have moments where I hate myself, I hate the way I act, the way I do things, my personality, my appearence, my present mood, but we all have those moments once in a while.

I'm not sure what I am trying to tell myself, I tend to follow my head more than my heart. I ignore what my heart is trying to say and as a result it begins to ache and fall apart.

I am fond of the dark because I can't be seen and I can't see myself, but I also fear the dark because I can't see anyone else.

If I could leave and never come back, I would.

2006-07-04T00:04:00.000-05:00

Silly Kate

Wuthering Heights

I very much enjoy "Wuthering Heights" sung by Kate Bush. Nick, I think this video will help cheer us up. She's so funny and I love her facial expressions.

2006-07-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

Lancehead and Coachwhip

I'm glad you were able to express your feelings, I only wish you were able to tell me face to face. You wanted to hear what I had to say. I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would hurt you. Either I tell my best friend the truth or lie, which one would you have really wanted?

You do have every right to tell me I'm wrong. If you have a strong feeling about something then follow it, you have every right to be angry at me, hate me if you want to. I am not trying to keep you from happiness and if you think I am than I feel sorry for you.

I want you to know that you will not prove me wrong no matter what happens. If you expect me to change how I feel because of what you said than don't expect anything because my feelings will not change. I am not sorry for what I said, not sorry at all. I respect how you feel and if we are true friends than you should respect how I feel.

I did not try to put you down, I only told you the truth. How could you possibly believe that I would purpously put you down, make you feel miserable, hurt you? I would never try to hurt you. Why would I want to put you down? What would I gain from it? If you think putting you down makes me happy than you're wrong and pretty sick.

You are taking what I said and using it to make me sound like I just want you to be unhappy and feel horrible. Think back, did I try to stop you?, did I threaten to end our friendship if you have this relationship?, NO I DIDN'T!, but you certainly do make it sound like I did.

Best friends do not lie to each other, they tell the truth, they don't purpously put each other down, they listen to what the other has to say, they stand togeather, they never give up, their friendship will never die no matter what, instead their friendship will live on forever. We are more than best friends though, we are brothers.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; don't walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and just be my friend" -Albert Camus

2006-06-29T09:03:00.000-05:00

What Needs To Be Known

Isn't it humorous how often we tend to lie to ourselves. We may say we are different, more mature, a better person, but are we really? How do we know if we have really changed, you should know because you know yourself better than anyone. What if there are times where you want to change so badly that you trick yourself that you have, but in reality nothing is different and you are just the same.

If you do try to change yourself, is it for you or for others? The answer to this has to be one or the other, not both. Have you been hurting those around you or have you really been hurting yourself? Why have you been hurting yourself, others, or both?

You're not a bad person for being who you naturally are, how can you possibly change who you naturally are. There are times where you just want to be silly, fun, serious, determined, sad, scared, depressed, friendly, alone, funny, angry, lost. Just because others aren't happy with you doesn't mean you should start feeling like a terrible person and change who you are. You shouldn't be punished or have people be angry at you if you are just not in the mood.

Many of us never mean to harm another and many of us unfortunately do. It is difficult to see the difference between the guilty and the innocent as we all know. Never jump to conclusions.

We have so much difficulty excepting that we are not perfect, you may not think we do, but we do. I believe we try to change others because we want them to be more like who we are which makes us feel like we are closer to being perfect. What gives anyone the right to try and change someone else? Why let others change who you are? Why do we always have to see the faults in others? Why do we let the faults blind us from the good?

I know people are unhappy with me, hate me even for not doing what they want or wanted me to do. But I am my own person and I am not going to change myself just because a few people are dissapointed in me. If I didn't want to go somewhere it's probably because I was stressed, tired, sick, and just needed to collect myself. There are times when I just need some space from others, and I know I am not the only one who feels like that at times.

What's awful is how people don't respect your decision, and instead have to make you feel horrible because you will not do what makes them happy. Sometimes we don't even realize that we are not listening to what others have to say, why they feel the way they do, and it's because we are too busy thinking about ourselves and what we want. Not all of us can just drop previous plans, ignore how we are feeling, or should just have to do everything you want because it will prevent you from being angry at them.

And if you are one of those people who are constantly putting those you are angry at down and making them feel like dirt because they won't do what you want doesn't mean they are going to change for you, they shouldn't change because if you are acting that way it's because you are a selfish little bitch.

Why is it that no matter what we do, there is always at least one person who ends up hurt? And why should you have to suffer every time?

Just don't let people change who you are in order to make themselves and others happy. Change because you want to not because everyone else does, and don't lie to yourself.

And if you are one of those people who are constantly putting those you are angry at down and making them feel like dirt because they won't do what you want doesn't mean they are going to change for you. They shouldn't change because if you are acting that way it's becuase you are a selfish little bitch.

And because I have written this post, I know I am going straight to HELL.

I feel awful now, but I had to get this out because we have all been guilty one time or another.

2006-06-24T23:31:00.000-05:00

What I Have Learned In A Week

I have learned a great deal over the week. I have learned life lessons. I have learned more about the people I am around. I have learned more about myself.

It seems like where ever I go and what ever I do there is always drama. Does it anger me that there is drama, no. I have discovered that I learn more about who I am and I become closer with friends from whatever new or old situation is taking place. There will always be something and I accept that. It's what makes life interesting and it's what makes you learn who you're true friends are.

Now I know we all make mistakes and you know what, that is perfectly okay. No one and I mean absolutely no one is perfect. It's good to make mistakes because we learn from them, our mistakes help us to grow, our mistakes strengthen us no matter how hurtful the situation. Don't let your errors shut you off from those you know and love because that is not fair to you or them.

It may be difficult to except that not every problem or mistake can be mended, but that is the truth and that is how we learn some of our greatest life lessons.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on" -Robert Frost

We certainly do tend to forget that life goes on, we just need to simply remind ourselves that it does. Never let one mistake hold you down, no matter how painful it may be.

I know it may sound stupid to never let a mistake hold you down. Truly though, no matter what you do, there were always be a ray of hope.

Never give up in yourself or in others. Remember that no matter what you do, there will always be someone there for you. Even when you feel the whole world has turned against you and everything seems dark, just remember there will always be at least one person who will stand by your side and fight with you no matter what.

True friendship is when you can trust another. Know that the other will always listen to what you have to say. Never hate one another. Helping each other when in need. Pull each other up after a fall. Be able to laugh at one another. Be able to have a serious conversation with a little smile here or there. Knowing you have each other's back. Count on the other to be there for you. Stand togeather when all hope seems lost. When togeather, you're invincible.

2006-06-21T22:19:00.000-05:00

What The Heck

I can't write down how I feel at the moment, there are no words that could possibly describe how I am feeling. It is not a good feeling and I don't know why it is happening, I wish it would go away. It's just growing to a gargantuan size, I think there is only one person I can tell. I'm disgusted with what is building within me.

2006-06-21T11:33:00.000-05:00

Sorry About The Other Day

Okay, I am much better today. I think yesterday I was just a little ticked off with a certain person, angry never.

I really don't know what I want to major in when I go to college. I am torn between two like really really torn. I don't know whether I should major in Zoology or Theatre, I enjoy them both so much. I would love to be able to study animals in their natural habitats, travel, study their biology.

At the same time I want to act, teach theatre, learn to strengthen my skills, entertain. I don't know what to choose, I try to imagine which one I would be more happy with, but I would be equally happy with both. There may be more opportuinites with one or the other, but that's a chance I would be willing to take. You need to take chances in your life, otherwise you won't get very far. Hopefully I'll be able to figure this out soon.

2006-06-17T23:12:00.000-05:00

Shwing!

So Nick my brother, how many times do you think we have almost killed each other while hanging out? ;) and if we were hanging out with any other person instead of you or me they would most likely be dead or in extreme pain right?

-Bro

2006-06-16T09:51:00.000-05:00

The Black Bird And The Robin

Yesterday morning I heard the sounds of screeching birds while I was sitting at the computer, a few seconds later my little brother called me over to the dining room window. What was outside the window, a beautiful robin on its side under a bush and a black bird attacking it. I swung the front door open and scared the black bird away. I then knelt by the robin and told my brother to get a towel. As I waited for my brother I examined the bird and noticed the blood beneath the head. The robin had a large bloody gash on the back of it's head. Next thing I knew I was sitting in the living room holding a wounded robin in a towel and cleaning it's injury. The wound was large and deep, but I managed to stop the bleeding.

The bird is now resting on a towel in a box next to my bedroom window where it can feel the breeze and witness the sunshine. I wasn't sure if the bird would survive through the night, but it did. The robin is a fighter.

I know it may not have been right to bring a wild animal into our home, but I couldn't let it lay there. I couldn't leave the window and return to what I was doing. I couldn't let the bird stay under the bush with little protection from the burning sun or let ants crawl through it's feathers. Now I am not sure if the bird will live, the wound is awful, but I'm trying my best. I hope I am helping the bird and not increasing the pain. If the robin does die I hope I have helped reduce the pain and let it die in comfort rather than dyeing on sharp woodchips and covered with insects.

Nature is wondrous. I tend to forget about the life outside of the walls we are so frequently imprisoned in. What would make the black bird and the robin fight? Were they fighting for territory? Food? Did the black bird strike first or the robin? Is one guilty and the other innocent or are they both to blame? Maybe they were fighting for a stupid reason, as many humans so regularly do. I wonder...was I supposed to come across the robin? Am I saving the bird from my actions or hurting it. What I did, was it right or wrong? I may never know the answers.

I now find myself looking out the window, watching robins. I wonder what will happen to them. I wonder what they have experienced in their lives. How old are they? Where have they flown? How do they survive? No human could ever answer for they are only Homo sapiens, only the individual bird could truly answer.

If we just took the time to listen, to hear the chirps and songs of the feathered souls, could our questions be answered? Could the questions we have about life be answered? Or our we just so conceited that we believe nature is below us.

Take the time to listen.

2006-06-12T07:40:00.000-05:00

Come On

Look outside, go look, right now. What do you see? I see a brand spankin' new day, a beautiful day. A day of new experiences, opportunities, fun, and friends. Don't sit around and just watch, get up and go do something.

2006-06-11T23:14:00.000-05:00

If I Am In Your Thoughts Just Throw Me Out

If you are one of those people who are worried about me, please don't. I am the last person anyone needs to worry about. Okay? :)

2006-06-07T10:10:00.001-05:00

As The World Revolves....

I feel as if my inner soul is being torn apart. Everything around me feels unstable, but if I look out the window all there is is a gentle breeze, a clear sky, and birds chirping.

Why is it that when life seems so clear and favorable it turns its back on you and makes you feel so incredibly insignificant? Is it a burden to always think of others before yourself no matter what you do? Is it wrong and selfish to put yourself before others? Life is a difficult journey as we all know, but is it ever possible to escape its wrath, dodge one of its many might blows, to take a seperate road untouched by life? I have yet been able to come across an answer. Why do we let ourselves fall into the power of life, to let life make us feel horrible if we don't please someone we love or to not be able to tell someone the truth? We let life hold us back, it restrains us with a heavy monstrous chain which seems impossible to break free of.

Do we control our own destiny or do we let others control it? Is it right for parents to choose what is right and wrong for us, or should we be able to discover what is right and wrong for ourselves? We must always remember we are not the center of the universe. We tend to forget the troubles those around us have, the troubles they must live with day after day. Why is it that when we are stressed and angry we take our anger out on others either phiscally or mentally, and why is it that we feel better after we hurt another? Everyone has reasons for their actions, perhaps it is to help themselves or to help another, mabey the reason was to assure ones self that they will be okay, or by hurting another you're actually saving them.

I feel there is no such thing as perfect but then again there could be, how do we know what is perfect and what is not, is there anything to compare it to? Can the forces of life be fought or must we learn to just accept it, and if we do accept it does that make us weak? Should we let life pull us by the chains it binded us with everytime we try to spread our wings and fly? Should we continue to fight back with all the strength we can muster for what could be an endless battle?

Answers are never for anyone else to decide. Only you can answer your questions,only you can hold yourself back, only you can break the chains and let yourself soar to the horizon of freedom.

You are the only one who can put an end to your troubles, your friends however, can help you along the way.

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." -Anais Nin

-Lancehead

2006-06-05T22:14:00.000-05:00

......Right

So, my parents said I have to get a summer job. The problem is that I don't actually have very much time to work over the summer, yet I will still apply for one even if it means working extremely late into the night or in the early morning. I don't know where I should apply, if anyone has any suggestions please tell me.

Today was the last day of school. Spencer, Nick, and I did our little trio thing after the final bell rang. In Limelight we acted out our own version of The Three Blind Mice.

The worst part of the day was when I found out Kevin won't be able to do Limelight. When Kevin told me the dreadful news I felt like someone punched me hard in the stomach.

I start marching band on Friday. I am very excited to play the cymbals with my "Wonder Twin" Erin.

I am now a Senior which sucks _____! (word of your choice).

-Lancehead

2006-06-03T23:31:00.000-05:00

My Body Is Alive With The Sound Of Allergies

I thought I was sick, but it turns out my allergies have decided to be naughty this year. This is the first time I actually had to take some medication.

By The Way

Spencer, I'm sorry for inviting Jake over to your house without your permission, but it had to be done.

Nick, my wound finally stopped bleeding. Sorry about the kick. Shwing brother, SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWING!

Kipper, I'm sorry for what happened the other day, it's just not a good idea to go under a trampoline when I'm jumping on it.

Liana, please remind your brother about the air hockey rematch.

Kelsey, we need to have that muppet movie day real soon.

Emily S., the new animal is muntjac.

Tori, you crazy cryptic.

Dan D., DANDRUFF.

Kevin, "We use numbers everyday." Let's make a show about numbers......oh wait there already is one....too bad.

Kim, I would like to inform you that you're awesome.

-Lancehead

2006-05-28T14:13:00.000-05:00

Which Path To Take

I am trapped in a raging battle between two powerful forces. I grow weaker day after day as I supress the fierce foes. No matter where I go or what I do........one or the other is always there......waiting.

-Lancehead

2006-05-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

New Born Day

I am very relieved, all of my auditions are over until next year. I felt like my audition for Pride and Prejudice went well....which is the first time I felt somewhat good afterwards, so that can't be a positive sign. Nick did a wonderful job as well, nice job Bro.

I'm very happy today, I don't know what's going on.........I'm......I'm actually smiling. I feel warm hearted today rather than the usual coldness I am engulfed in.

I have the most incredible friends, they make everyday worth getting up for.

Congratulations to everyone who made spotlight! You're all awesome!

-Lancehead

2006-05-26T21:51:00.000-05:00

X-3 Phasing is the coolest says I

I'll be honest, the movie left me with mixed emotions. They took everything from various comics and story plots that had no relationship whatsoever and managed to fuse them into one movie. The movie was pretty cool and there were times when I was on the edge of my seat. Then of course I realized how much of a nerd I am when I was jumping up and down with a huge grin on my face after watching the extra ending, and the fact that I was all like "Phasing is the F!@#% coolest power ever!"

I don't know why I always purchase sour patch kids at the theatre. After eating the sour candy my tongue is in horrible pain everytime and if I try to eat anything else....well it just doesn't work out ;)

Tomorrow I am auditioning for Pride and Prejudice thanks to M (one of the most amazing talented people in the universe) who managed to get my an audition time and packet. I have no idea how I will do cosidering I have no idea what the play is about or who is who. I'll probably break down while waitng for my audition because that is what always happens to me before every audtion. I'm excited though, I will be perforiming in another play with my crazy awesome friends, so it really couldn't be better.

-Lancehead

2006-05-23T17:14:00.000-05:00

Fact

Lady Li and her family are the coolest people ever!

-Lancehead

2006-05-22T19:02:00.000-05:00

Here's A Thought

What would you do if one day you woke up and you were six years old again, and everything you thought to be real never actually took place? Would you be upset that the people you know were all in your mind? Would you want to go back to the dream or live a new life? Could you truly live a new life after all you have been through? Would you really want to return to the dream knowing it is a lie or face a new unpredictable future?

-Lancehead

2006-05-20T21:32:00.000-05:00

That's Right

Yeah so I am going to make another blog, a blog that no matter how hard you try no one will ever find. That way nice things can go into this one, and the rest of me can be released somewhere else. So, I laugh at you.

Just Kidding, made you think I would make one didn't I.

-Lancehead

2006-05-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

Odd Mix

So Nick, Spencer, and Jake slept over at my house yesterday. I was surprised how we all fell asleep, I guess Star Fox really does take it out of you. Nick and I went for our ritual morning walk, which was rather refreshing and this time we were accompanied by Jake and Spencer. They however did not enjoy the two hour walk as mush as my bro and I. I really have to meet this Dan D. kid whom Spencer and Jake constantly mention, he sounds interesting and I am not quite sure what to expect when I encounter him.

There is something amazing about taking a walk early in the morning when it is still dark out and you eventually witness the sunrise, the birth of a new day. It is a beautiful sight and the air is fresh and crisp. The sunlight flows through the rolling lands as the darkness takes its rest.

-Lancehead

2006-05-18T18:13:00.000-05:00

Beautiful Day

It certainly is a beautiful day out, clouds here and there, calm breeze, birds chirping, plants swaying, and just the right amount of sunlight.

I did it again today, I pushed those who care about me away. I don't understand why I do it, I try not to. Too bad my troubles can't be carried away with the breeze.

Earlier today there was a moment where I felt very warm inside, so incredibly happy, it was the most amazing feeling and I felt at peace with myself ......then the happiness quickly faded into nothing.

I want to thank my friends for always being there for me and putting up with me when I have an off day.....I also apologize if I ever gave you one of my stares on one of my off days. I'm sorry for always pushing you guys away and thankyou for never giving up on me. You guys have no idea how much it means to me to have all of you as my friends, it makes me one of the most lucky people on earth.

I think this blog is going to be filled with nothing except negativity which is rather depressing and what I was trying to prevent, but mark my words there will be that one day where I will have that positve entry and I too like Kelsey will master the circly thingy at Liana's park!!!!

2006-05-15T18:29:00.000-05:00

What can I do....

I don't know what to do, I am surrouded by people who are troubled and I don't know how to help them. I try hard to be a good friend, I wish I was able to provide helpful advise but I can't, instead I listen to what my friends have to say. I know listening sounds like it does squat.....but it seems to help people, it allows them to not have to hold everything inside, and I keep the information to myself, I never tell anyone no matter who they are. I just think there is more I could do to help instead of watching a friend walk down the hall with a grim face.

Of course I never tell anyone about about my inner thoughts, I usually don't answer to the question " How are you?" if I do answer my response is usually a lie. I don't feel like there is anyone I can trust, I lost my ability to trust a few years ago because the one person I did trust...... well it doesn't matter. During school the real reason why I don't respond to people who say "hi" to me in the hall is because I am in deep thought, I may be thinking about a one person or many, thinking about how I can help with there situation. I keep all of my inner thoughts and conflicts to myself, which I will admit can be extremely difficult at times. I have my ups and I have my downs. Everyday seems to become more arduous.

-Lancehead

2006-05-07T08:33:00.000-05:00

Wisdom Teeth

Well, I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday. I'll tell you something though, I have it good. I woke up after the surgery and I was able to walk to the car by myself and I was aware of where I was, what I was doing, and what I was saying.

I've been prescribed with pain killers which are supposed to cause drowsiness and dizziness, but I have yet to be affected. I was also given medication which prevents swelling, so I don't have giant chipmunk cheeks.

The next morning I was out of bed and walking around, even though you are supposed to stay in bed to recover...... I don't do things that way. For breakfast I had scrambled eggs, lime jello, cottage cheese, peaches, oatmeal, and lemonade. It was a freakin' sweet breakfast.

You are not supposed to eat hard foods, only nasty smashed soft foods. I refused, I had an incredible hankering for pizza all day, and what does my dad bring home, he brought home a nice big, hot, cheesy pizza. I of course am not supposed to eat anything hard for at least a week, but 15 hours was enough of a wait for me. I had five pieces pizza, it was good. All I had to do was eat the pizza with my front teeth mmmmmm.

I am in very little pain and I have pretty much been doing everything I am not supposed to after wisdom teeth are pulled. I am however bored out of my mind with nothing to do.

-Lancehead

2006-05-06T16:25:00.000-05:00

Inner Thought

Well I promised myself I would never create a blog......so much for that. I suppose I decided to create one because I need to express my feelings, not hold them inside.

I have the tendency of lying to people about how I truly feel, my thoughts, and dreams. Basically I don't want people to know about me, I'm afraid they may try to hurt me somehow, why they would I don't know, but it was happened to me many times. Those who I have trusted in my past and present have betrayed, hurt, and lied to me.

It is extremely difficult to explain how I came to be and no one has ever learned the truth, bits and pieces yes, but not the whole. I feel lost and I want to discover my place, but no matter how hard I try I never succeed. I try to stay strong and keep a positive attitude wherever I am, but it is tiring.

I have many moments where I feel alone and there is no one there for me. I push those who try to help me away and I am not sure why. I suppose it's because I don't want to add any more drama or pain upon their shoulders, it would be selfish if I did. The year after I moved and started going to my new school, I have met wonderful people, I have friends who I believe would help me and stay by my side through thick and thin, but I just feel so incredibly alone and time and time again I become the lone wolf.

-Lancehead